Thrive from Chaos

    It’s been a week since we have thrown our first mud racing event and would call it a success. Next week will be my husband’s first desert race on a motor cycle. With school started back up, singing soccer, family dinners, painting, hunts starting soon, we always seem to be running full speed. My husband stated it best last week “We thrive in chaos” and he is right.

    Three years ago was the greatest chaos we had ever experienced, both of his parents critically ill, I was diagnosed with cancer, and can’t count the amount of life changing things such as loss of income, getting rid of our stuff, and the list goes on. This I would consider uncontrolled chaos and it was scary.

    Controlled chaos is much more fun. We are learning to embrace it. Absolutely enjoying every aspect of our lives. Our uncontrolled chaos has given us the gift to embrace the things we can control. I LOVE RACING and everything about it. We had an amazing weekend hosting an event that scared me to do but did anyway.

    I so wish I could share the gifts from our uncontrolled chaos. I absolutely love that we are enjoying every minute of this life we have. In the midsts of some negative comments I got this week, that our Facebook life is far more glamorous than it could possibly be, I have spent some time wondering if I should hold back a little but will refuse this thought from now on. We absolutely are going to love every minute of this life. We earned it and if I can’t find a way to share it, we will enjoy it all ourselves. We are truly happy and it’s a very great gift! It’s funny though, we are truly happy, but I still look back and wonder if I would repeat it in order to get to this state of mind? I honestly don’t know if I could. That is where God’s hands are so trusted. He definitely knows more than I ever will. 

Pandemic of Life

   Been awhile since I’ve written anything and this has been a great place to voice silent fears and joys of life. What better opportunity to express both of these than during a global pandemic.

      I find myself so frustrated with our current situation as most others do but also seem to not have let it affect my life as many have. Granted we are in a better situation than most. Talked to many struggling with business, life and mental health but have yet to experience anyone sick from this which can give a different outlook. I suppose if I was surrounded by sickness or was still fighting cancer/infection my outlook would be different. 

    I remember being so scared of getting sick during my cancer/infection. Sending my kids to school knowing that a simple cold could be a very big deal. Being so terrified I couldn’t sleep because I wasn’t sure what was happening and taking anxiety medication just so I could make it through my kids performance. It’s amazing the control fear of the unknown can have over a person. 

     Fear can come in all shapes and sizes for all people. I can definitely understand how fear has control over people’s actions right now. Even if they don’t realize it themselves. I also understand how perspective plays a roll in this. 

    My perspective while I was sick or (at risk) from pandemic would have been greatly different than it is now from having that behind me. I understand that each person has a unique perspective on our current situation. This is just my view as of now.

    I understand it would be hard to view the value of life if it wasn’t put in jeopardy of being lost. I hope in some way society will have gained a little of this view when this pandemic is behind us. After having the experience I did with cancer I was gifted a little more of this view which has altered my view of fear.

   After being through such an experience and having plenty of time to lay in bed and ponder life. My new fear is very different. I’m very aware that I could contract Covid and get very ill but I’m also very aware that cancer comes back for a lot of people and that is a very real reality for me. To have beat cancer once and be given the chance to make an almost full recovery is such a great gift! My new fear is to not get to live this gift to the fullest. Although COVID is a very scary thing and I can completely relate to the fear people have of it, I can assure you that my new fear is just as real. 

     My point behind this is to be kind. You never understand exactly what someone is going through. You may be very scared of dying but some people are very scared of not being able to live. 

Dance Through the Flames

     I’ve written a lot about change in perspective and how hard situations can help shape a person. I’ve had a few people have comments such as I’m knieve, in my approach to some things, and that I don’t live in reality. I assure you I’m very aware of what’s going on around me. I choose to perceive it different than most, but not ignorant of situations around me. I choose to see some good in all things.
     I know there are a lot of people struggling right now and have not been super open to share this blog but feel like now is the right time. I spent many months stuck in my house in total fear every time I left with my cancer and infection.It forced me, for my kids, to try my best to make the best out of every situation. To look at the opportunity that each day COULD bring. This did not mean that I woke up happy to approach each day. A lot of days it seemed like it took a large amount of effort and I didn’t always succeed, but with trying every day it gave me the chance to learn how to embrace each day. I feel like this has put me a step ahead of our current situation and wanted to share.
      Each day is presenting a new opportunity to learn something new about yourself or to make a better situation. For instance: You could look at today as another day stuck at home bored and depressed or embrace this day to learn something new. We live in a beautiful area, take a field trip. Millard County has tons of beautiful sights I wasn’t even aware we had and I’ve grown up here. You can find directions on the Millard Country tourism sight. We were able to find books online and will turn this weekend camping trip into a history lesson at the area we are camped at. Thanks to our amazing teachers we have been able to turn snack time into a fun science lesson. Can’t wait for 80’s day. Let’s see how bright our makeup is, we have unlimited resources for music from the comfort of our homes to get us up and moving. Who cares if I can’t dance. To mess up the moves it just gives us another chance to laugh. Maybe even learn how to do them correctly and relive some stress doing it. FaceTime it with some friends. Need more ideas, I’m just a message away. I had months to lay around and think of stuff but was to weak to do all of them and am more than happy to share.
      Make sure to still take a time out when needed. Sometimes when you have all the time in the world it makes it even harder to take care of yourself. It may require even more effort. A hot bath, a quiet walk, rebuild a transmission (we all have our quarks 😜) or a home spa day can help brighten a bad mood. Heck, do them all if you have the time.
     Melt downs are still going to happen. In fact had a small one myself yesterday. Super frustrating to just get things going good at work from my experience with cancer to just have things drop off again. But my attitude today is I’ll just have to rebuild again and thankful I’ll get the opportunity to do it. Guess my point is everyone goes through a degree of there own hell at some point in there lives but you have the choice each day to sit in the flames and dwell on how hard it is or you can choose to dance through them. They are going to be there either way. Sometimes it’s not an easy choice to dance because it still hurts, but it is a choice just the same.
   

Lessons

     Funny how life is full of stride and set backs. I’ve spent the last two years trying desperately to get back in shape. Exercise was a wonderful outlet for me before I got sick. I loved going for a run to clear my mind. Ended up with a bum leg after surgeries and re-learning a new outlet has been more difficult than you would think but has given me the new opportunity to learn things I may not have learned otherwise. We took up kayaking last year as a new adventure that’s been huge success! Tried Zumba for the first time last week and loved the atmosphere, however found out the hard way after being skinned from ribs to groin, that scar tissue does not shake it well.
     So happy to be enjoying a walk on my treadmill this morning. Still a little tender but happy just the same. It made me think about all my blessings. I now know what it’s like to spend years wishing to not be over weight, but know exactly how scary it can be to spend months trying desperately to gain weight. I know what it’s like to say a prayer wishing to die, but to spend months fighting to live. So thankful for all my blessings. I love that I can understand that just because another persons battle isn’t as big as mine or even bigger, it’s the biggest battle they have had to fight thus far, and is every bit as big to them. What battle will you win today? Mine was my treadmill. Hoping to make a Ford fly and see if a simple mud race can greatly boost a local economy. Never know until you try. What else can I learn?❤️