It’s funny how two people can view the same thing in life two totally different ways. Some can see a hard time in there life and think “Why is this happening to me” and another will only choose to look at “What can this teach me?” I believe this view of how you choose to react will determine what direction your path will go for your entire life.
I wake up every morning with a certain degree of fear. It’s a hard choice some days to not let it consume me but most of the time I can use it as a reminder to make today count and I choose to view this as a tremendous blessing. What would you do today if you had the fear realization that you could be gone next month? Really think about this for a minute. How much different would you approach your day?
Don’t take this as I’m scared I’m going to die all of the time however, after having ovarian cancer at the age of 34 I’m much more aware of the possibility of it. Waking up with this thought in the back of my head absolutely influences my decision making every day. It influences rather I get mad at something or choose to laugh at something. It influences rather to make a big deal out of a decision or to roll with it and move on. It’s absolutely amazing how I choose to let it affect every day. ”How I choose to let it affect every day” this is the key.
I have never fit in but then again does anybody? I have always let what others may or may not think of me influence my decisions. What if they don’t like the same thing? What if they find me offensive? What if they think I’m fake? What if they think it’s just for show? What if they think I’m to out there? Now throw in what if I get sick and die next month? Do I give a shit what they think? This is my blessing.
It’s amazing the freedom it brings. I can now learn to cook to bake the perfect cake and remodel a house.I can enjoy the silence and calm at my day spa and tremble at the sound of my race truck as I fire it up for a race. I can go to the gas station beautifully made up or go to dinner in my sweats.I can have a drink with a friend and enjoy every minute of a church lesson. There is no stereotype, if people want to sit back and judge let them. Sitting in judgement is boring. I want to be living and hope instead of judging they will come on a new adventure with me.I don’t want to climb Everest but I also don’t want to spend my life in front of the TV. What’s the worst that will happen? I will be laughing with my kids out on a kayak adventure. Dancing in the isle at the super market and racing to the car just for a laugh. I want to enjoy as many moments as I can regardless of what others may think because what if they are my last. As I laid in that bed for all those months I don’t recall regretting any of the good times we had but sure wished I’d have tried to have more of them.
I don’t want to give the false impression that every day is perfect. I still have my ups and downs like everyone else. Sometimes the pain and problems from being sick still get the best of me but try to use it as a reminder that it could be worse. If I’m ever stuck in that bed again I want my Facebook memories to be the best. Because I now know how important it is to laugh when you can, be silly and not care, and enjoy every minute I can. What would you do different today if you were aware this could be your last year?Laugh harder? Care a little more? Improve someone’s day or do more to improve your own?
This gift of life is an amazing thing. This blessing of learning to enjoy it is an indescribable experience. One I hope to never loose. The fear of thinking this could be my last month will hopefully give me the gift of many, many amazing years. So lets go on a new adventure!
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